Kate's Point of View

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Why I’m Happy To Be Married: Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With My Husband

On April 25, 2014

I met my husband because we were introduced by a mutual friend. The three of us had lunch at the work cafeteria. I initiated a group outing to see Michael Moore speak. He invited me to an Elvis-themed party. There might have been email flirting. I am sure there were phone calls. And the anxiety! Does he like me? Are we hanging out as friends? Are we going on dates? Those first few weeks we started dating… I was very unproductive at work.And all of that was plenty hard enough. All you people dating today? Good God am I sorry for you! The digital world adds so much more complexity and so many extra layers of potential anxiety. Yuck.

I might have thought about this in passing before, but I recently read an early edition of He Texted: The Ultimate Guide to Dating in the Digital Era by Lisa Winning and Carrie Henderson McDermott. I learned a lot but the most important think I learned is to feel grateful to not be participating in the current dating world.

Bear in mind that the book is targeted at the ladies, though I think a lot of it could be used by guys as well. If this is information you choose to use at all. So, some other things I learned:

Twitter is not sexy. Do whatever you want on Twitter, but know it isn’t a place that’s going to help you hook up.
Instagram is for youngsters (defined as under 20 in this book, which is galling) so cyberstalk all you want but don’t try to flirt and whatnot.
Tumblr? I don’t think the authors get Tumblr so the general theme was you can do whatever you want on Tumblr.
Have you heard of Tinder? I am sort of fixated on it because it sounds crazy to me. An elaborate game of Hot or Not. Anyway, nary a mention of it in the book so I have no rules to share about Tinder.
Facebook? Holy moly. That’s where the rules kick in.What I took away is that you need to assume if you friend a potential dating partner on Facebook that they will look at all of your pictures with the goal of checking you out in a bathing suit and verifying you have a life and friends. There was some detail about how to react to guys liking your statuses and whatever. Essentially, the takeaway was that people need to chill out and not react too much to someone clicking the Like link or commenting. And if someone likes all your stuff and comments all the time? Creeper. A solid piece of guidance was that people shouldn’t Friend on Facebook until they get to know each other in person. That way you can build impressions based on what is real versus what is posted online.

As the title implies, the main focus of the book was on texting. The authors founded HeTexted.com and it’s sort of a big advertisement for the site as well as a treatise on what they’ve gleaned from users on the site. I feel like it rehashed a lot of the whole “He’s Not Into You” advice from 2009. If you think a guy is dumping you on text, he is. If you think he is creepy in text, he is. If you think he is trying to get a booty call via text, he is. And when you try to rationalize otherwise? You are wrong.

I thought this book was pretty hilarious. I often read aloud parts to Wonder Boy. I learned crazy stupid slang I never need to use like breves (abbreviations), exclams (exclamation points) and F2F (face-to-face). There are others. You won’t feel smarter for me listing them all out.

I have a couple real issues with He Texted. First, there are a few parts where they are so specific about technology that the book was out of date about a week after it was published. When not as specific, they still list so much about technology that the book will be out of date about two months after publication. The brobassadors (I am not making that up) who share the male perspective throughout the book come off as douchebags, though occasionally their advice seems spot-on. The whole take on dating seemed to be pretty traditional in terms of guys calling the shots and making the first move. I guess I thought we moved past that a long time ago but maybe not.

He Texted is not all bad. I would not recommend this to many people at all, but there are a few where I think, “You need to read this.” You have friends always agonizing of the interpretation of every piece of electronic communication they get from a potential boyfriend / girlfriend? Just give them this book so you can stop hearing about it. It might actually help.

A book review of He Texted: The Ultimate Guide to Dating in the Digital Era by Lisa Winning and Carrie Henderson McDermott..

On Love and Science: The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

By Kate

On April 22, 2014

In books, reviews

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion, was a book club selection and I one I’m very glad I read. It’s light and fun but has stuck with me. An unusual combination.I reviewed this book for Nudge and would describe it as a sort of wonderful mash-up of Somewhere Out There (episode #374) from This American Life and the character of Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory.

In the Rosie Project, Don Tillman, a genetics professor, is a man of precise order. He schedules his days to the minute, literally, and he constantly looks for ways to streamline daily activities. For instance, rather than waste time deciding what to make for dinner each evening, he eats the same thing every Monday, every Tuesday and so on. Further, he has his pantry shelves organized by the day of the week so his weekly Monday dinner ingredients are all together, same with Tuesday, etc. No variety but maximum efficiency.

As the book continues, Don works with the same scientific efficiency to find a wife. Repeatedly he is confronted with the reality that science doesn’t work that way. Or is it love that doesn’t work that way?

You can read my complete review of The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion on Nudge.

My Week In Books and Love by the Morning Star

By Kate

On April 21, 2014

In books, reviews

I’ve been a bit of a machine with books lately and while I write reviews of some of them for various outlets, a lot just slip by unmentioned. I’m going to attempt a regular feature where I discuss the books I’ve finished in the previous week. Some weeks will be silent if I haven’t finished anything. Others might feature one book while other detail many. We’ll see.This past week I read an early draft of Love by the Morning Star by Laura L. Sullivan. This YA book is the third by the author and is scheduled for publication in early June. In Love by the Morning Star, which takes place during the early parts of World War II, Anna and Hannah (unrelated) both find themselves undercover in the home of a wealthy family. Hannah, half Jewish, is escaping persecution in Germany, and Anna is on an ill-defined undercover mission. It’s not a bad set-up for a story! And yet it is. The story I mean.

The thing about successful YA novels about World War II is that there are so many to pick from. One of my most recent favorites is Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein (2012), which was a much less innocent look at Nazi Germany, but is much more captivating. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (2006) is pretty wonderful and The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank (1958), you might have heard of it, is a must read.

Young adult fiction targets a broad age range (10-15?) and I think most readers within that grouping would be disappointed by Love by the Morning Star. But, perhaps for parents of children at the lower end of the range, Love by the Morning Star is an okay introduction to the much more exciting reading that awaits them.

Worst Date

By Kate

On April 16, 2014

In uncategorized

We all have out first date and our worst date stories. With Wonder Boy, I can reflect on a first date dressed as Michael Jackson and a worst date (seventh date) that ended in the hospital.

In November 2003 Wonder Boy and I ventured out to the mall to buy a wedding gift for friends and had plans to grab dinner afterwards. About halfway into our drive, I was writhing in pain in my seat, doubled over with sever cramps. Wonder Boy looked over and saw me pale and white knuckling the Oh Shit handle of his car.

“Can you stop somewhere please?” I asked.

He pulled over to a lovely gas station called Swifty. The kind that has a bathroom in an outside cement stall. Only slightly more modern than a outhouse. I dashed in and had a lot of what I’m going to refer to as Personal Time.

After about 10 to 15 minutes, Wonder Boy knocked on the door to check on me. “Go away!” I yelled. Repeat that interaction 10 minutes later. And again. Maybe even again?

Finally I came out and said I needed to go home. As Wonder Boy pulled into my apartment complex driveway, he leaned over and said, “Pretty romantic seventh date, huh?” Rather than be embarrassed about what was happening to me, I just looked at him and said,”You’ve been counting our dates?!?!”

After he left and I was back in my apartment, I continued to have Personal Time. So much Personal Time, in fact, that I decided I need to see a doctor. (No need for specifics.) I called my mom but she wasn’t home. I tried a few other people and then decided to call Wonder Boy, a nurse, and ask him to come back and take me to the hospital. The romantic evening couldn’t get any worse so why not?

At that point in time, Wonder Boy was still new to town and was relying on me to direct him to a hospital. The only one I was confident about finding was the most urban of the bunch and had a colorful waiting room that included people high on drugs and alcohol, people handcuffed to chairs and chaos everywhere.

After a visit with a doctor WEARING A TOP GUN JUMPSUIT, we were sent home with directions on how to take care of my Personal Time issues.

And that is my worst date ever.

Bruce Springsteen, Live in Cincinnati and Looking Good

By Kate

On April 9, 2014

In rock

I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to how I feel about Cincinnati and why I’m proud to call this city my home. The feeling is seemingly infectious, with people all around me proudly endorsing the city. But last night, when Bruce Springsteen asked the crowd at U.S. Bank arena if anyone was from New Jersey, thousands of Tri-States started clapping. We aren’t from New Jersey, but at that moment, we wanted to be.Bruce has that effect on people.

The concert was a good reminder for me about the draw of stadium shows. Attending the concert was a birthday gift for Wonder Boy and it also firmly established that 39-years-old can look pretty good and so can a 65-year-old. I mean, damn. If we can all sport guns like Bruce Springsteen at 65, go crowd surfing and be the obvious star on a stage sporting 16 other outstanding musicians from the E Street Band and Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine, then good for us.

One thing I love about big shows is how much leeway the musician has because people are So. Excited. to see the artist. For instance, when Bruce Springsteen played Hungry Heart, the crowd sang the first verse on their own. I’m used to seeing that happen at the refrain or at some point mid-song. But last night people started the song with no accompaniment from Bruce Springsteen and it didn’t matter. I can’t imagine any of the indie rock bands I see pulling that off.

Bruce Springsteen has been making albums since 1973 and the crowd’s diversity reflected the longevity of his career as well as his place in the musical canon. With little exception, people were on their feet for the entire three hour and seven minute show … all 26 songs. Throughout the concert there was a rumble that sounded like a deep “Boooooo” but was really people yelling “Bruce.”

After he finished his closing song, a beautiful solo of Dream Baby Dream, I felt privileged to have attended the concert. Happy to have taken my husband to a show he really wanted to see. And really motivated to start lifting weights so I look as good in a sleeveless T-shirt as Bruce Springsteen.