Kate's Point of View

The Product of Creative Frustration

Category: work Page 8 of 10

STDs

By

On January 5, 2005

In work

For my day job, I work as a web editor and one of my responsibilities is responding to inquiries people send to the web site. Most of them are about things I don’t answer myself because they are of a sensitive or technical nature. Sometimes they are emails looking for jobs or business. Occasionally the emails are amusing but because of their subject matter I have to keep the amusement to myself. But finally (!) I have received one I can share.

Mind you, the web site I work for is for a children’s hospital. Remembering that makes this much more funny.

So this company / web site emailed my web site asking us to help refer business to them and we could earn money on every person referred. The email starts out “Dear Webmaster, I just visited your site. Our site PositiveSingles.com is the best, easiest and largest STD dating site in the world! Our visitors might be interested in one another. You may also want to join our affiliate program.”

So here is my question: Is this a singles web site for people with STDs? And why do I think that’s funny? I mean, I am sure there are singles sites for people who are HIV positive and I think that’s awesome. But somehow, an ad that reads “SWF with herpes seeking SM with gonorrhea” is just too much for me.

Later inspection did show that the web site, http://positivesingles.com/, is indeed a web site for people with STDs. I still think it’s funny though.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

Ducks

By

On September 17, 2004

In travel, work

Submitted by Wonder Boy

Someday we will render ourselves extinct or mysteriously vanish like the Mayans did. I predict that in the future some poor archeologist-like life form will be forced to sift through the remains of our culture and try to make some sense of what they find. This being will be puzzled as there will probably only be a few relics that will survive the ages. The first will be Styrofoam cups and the other … cement ducks. The function of the cups will be easy enough to figure out (they were used in mating rituals right?), but the ducks will baffle all for years to come. They will spend years trying to decide why we collected so many of them and most importantly why we chose to dress them up in outfits.

Every now and then for work I have to travel to Barrington, a small suburb of Chicago, for software training. The town is very affluent and you pretty much can’t touch a home for under $700,000. The lots that houses are built on are flat as can be without any trees. They erect these enormous houses on what used to be a corn field which in turn makes them stick out like Dick Cheney at a Soul Train Convention.

As a rule I think having boat loads of money will not necessarily buy you good taste. Case in point the house: In Barrington there is a house that my work compadres and I like to call, “My Big Fat Greek House”. The modest 5000 square foot house is nestled on a flat lot where you will find the yard adorned with Greek statues, columns, wishing wells, fountains and, yes, ducks. Lots of ducks. Now the owners don’t dress up the ducks, partly because I think they blew their budget on the house and the large Greek statue of Zeus….or was it the fountain?

I think I get the reason why people like statues or Yard Gnomes. They’re fun! They spice up the yard and Gnomes bring good juju to all lawns they inhabit. But I will never understand why someone would take a cement duck and dress it up in lingerie. Neither will archeologists 2000 years from now.

The House

Statues at the House

Ducks at the House

BMV

By

On July 28, 2004

In work

My friend’s wife works at the BMV in Columbus. Among her many responsibilities, she is the person who gets to accept to reject personalized license plates. Some good rejected ones:

  • JIZZKING
  • TEABAGR
  • COCK4U

Construction

By

On May 25, 2004

In work

Submitted by Wonder Boy

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly a construction-like event can attract a horde of onlookers – namely men.

Case in point: This morning “The Tree Killers,” as I like to call them, brought a very large crane, a chipper / shredder thing, a cherry picker and about five guys to euthanize our moldy aged oak tree that shades the entrance to our building at work. As soon as the crane pulled up in the front of the building, guys from Information Services (well, me included) started drooling and lining up by the window to catch a glimpse of Tree Surgeons at work. In between meetings we all ran to the window and were mesmerized as only watching manual labor can make you.

Why is it that we are fascinated by watching other people work? Is this why reality television is so popular? This I cannot answer, but I know that a couple years ago a children’s educational video company took note of our fascination and starting taping the happenings of various construction sites and marketing them to the delight of youngsters and adults. As it turns out the videos fascinated children and were a favorite (and a bestseller) among boys that Christmas. There is even a whole cartoon dedicated to construction.

All in all, I think the “Tree Killers” did a very precise job, despite being attacked by a swarm of cicadas and killer bees. The best part is the head tree trimmer, who has a quarterback-like role on the team: calling the plays, guiding the cranes and chainsaws. He performed the entire job from inside the cherry picker bucket with chainsaw in one hand and a ciggy hanging out of his mouth. Now that is something to gawk at! R.I.P. Mr. Moldy Oak Tree. You will be missed!

Fluffer

By

On March 23, 2004

In work

I have had a variety of part-time jobs: crossing guard, train conductor, cashier, stock girl, ride operator, etc.

One holiday break I had the unfortunate luck of working at Lazarus in the men’s department. All of the cashier jobs were taken so my job was just to straighten displays and tables – not fun given that:
It was the holiday season and people are slobs
Folding men’s wool sweaters all day results in hundreds of shocks each day
Men’s ties are slippery little suckers that have to be re-folded all day long
My job title for that holiday break: Fluffer and Folder.

I never knew why people (primarily men) thought this was such a funny title. The someone explained it to me.

A “fluffer” is a woman who “prepares” a male actor before appearing on screen. In porn. Naked. She gets him … excited. For a better definition, see the Urban Dictionary.

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