The Product of Creative Frustration

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A Lot Can Change in Eleven Years

I’ve been doing some reflection about the words that appear here. About this space and what it means to me. How its evolved over time.I started blogging in October 2003 under the title “Kate’s Word of the Day.” Many of my initial posts were short and several pulled from email forwards (I’ve deleted most of those) or stories from other people. I accepted guest posts of widely varying quality. I posted sporadically and I was occasionally mean in what I wrote. Few of my posts included pictures because I was still using a film camera and it never occurred to me to plan far enough ahead to take a picture and get it developed and scan it in just for a blog post. (Digital cameras existed but I was a long way off from owning one.) I’m not positive, but when I started this blog, I don’t believe I even owned a cell phone yet.

Two days after my first blog post I went on my first date with my husband. Three years later we got engaged. Not long after I bought a home, which was followed by cohabitation and then marriage. (The last of which is oddly absent from my this space.) I have changed jobs, travelled around the world and both gained and lost loved ones – both family and friends.

So much has changed since October 2003. I view this space as more personal now in terms of what of me I share, but I’m also so much more aware of the public nature of what I write and its ramifications. When I look back at old posts, I cringe a little at how judgey and cynical I am, but I also think my writing was way funnier. I think my family all likes me more with my current style, so that’s a worth-it change.

When I started blogging, it was new and cool. Then I think it became viewed as slightly less-relevant medium. I’m thinking now it is post-ironic. Regardless, sharing and chronicling my thoughts all in this spot … it puts me in the company of many writers I admire and also has given me a wonderful record of my recent past.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

Put a Sock In It: Dealing with Negativity

I try so hard to be upbeat. Sometimes I think I try too hard. There are events where I leave drained from trying to keep a smile pasted to my face. But I would rather be that annoyingly happy person than the one is is an energy suck with negativity.In Bossypants, Tina Fey says, ““Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.” It’s a variation of inspirational lines I’ve been spoon-fed since childhood, but I totally buy into it.

My variation of the saying is: You are only allowed to complain about something if you’re actively trying to fix it.

It’s basically permission to whine about whatever you want as long as you’re participating in problem-solving. As well as permission to say to everyone who isn’t trying to fix things, “Shove it. Stop complaining. Shut up.”

I’ll be the first to admit that this is a little self-serving. I have a tendency to over-volunteer for things. To speak up if I have an idea for ways something can be improved. I’m trying to learn to stop raising my hand quite so much, because it results in a lot of extra work.

The other option I’ve been employing for taking care of negativity, is surrounding myself with funny. On my commute to and from work, and while I get ready in the morning, I listen to Professor Blastoff and I laugh and laugh. On the way to work I pass a lot of kids walking to school and parents taking their kids to daycare. The tiny kids see my laughing in my car and seem to assume I’m smiling at them so they all wave to me. It’s very sweet. Wonder Boy and I have unsubscribed to some of the more negative shows on our DVR (What happened to you, Parenthood???) opting instead for lighter comedies or shows about murder and crime that I somehow enjoy.

Being forcedly upbeat and trying to laugh… It doesn’t solve all of the negativity around me, but it’s a start.

I’m aiming for this level of laughter. Out of frame in this image is the kangaroo
eating out of my hand, which, for some reason, sent me into hysterics.
This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

Why I’m Happy To Be Married: Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With My Husband

I met my husband because we were introduced by a mutual friend. The three of us had lunch at the work cafeteria. I initiated a group outing to see Michael Moore speak. He invited me to an Elvis-themed party. There might have been email flirting. I am sure there were phone calls. And the anxiety! Does he like me? Are we hanging out as friends? Are we going on dates? Those first few weeks we started dating… I was very unproductive at work.And all of that was plenty hard enough. All you people dating today? Good God am I sorry for you! The digital world adds so much more complexity and so many extra layers of potential anxiety. Yuck.

I might have thought about this in passing before, but I recently read an early edition of He Texted: The Ultimate Guide to Dating in the Digital Era by Lisa Winning and Carrie Henderson McDermott. I learned a lot but the most important think I learned is to feel grateful to not be participating in the current dating world.

Bear in mind that the book is targeted at the ladies, though I think a lot of it could be used by guys as well. If this is information you choose to use at all. So, some other things I learned:

  • Twitter is not sexy. Do whatever you want on Twitter, but know it isn’t a place that’s going to help you hook up.
  • Instagram is for youngsters (defined as under 20 in this book, which is galling) so cyberstalk all you want but don’t try to flirt and whatnot.
  • Tumblr? I don’t think the authors get Tumblr so the general theme was you can do whatever you want on Tumblr.
  • Have you heard of Tinder? I am sort of fixated on it because it sounds crazy to me. An elaborate game of Hot or Not. Anyway, nary a mention of it in the book so I have no rules to share about Tinder.
  • Facebook? Holy moly. That’s where the rules kick in.What I took away is that you need to assume if you friend a potential dating partner on Facebook that they will look at all of your pictures with the goal of checking you out in a bathing suit and verifying you have a life and friends. There was some detail about how to react to guys liking your statuses and whatever. Essentially, the takeaway was that people need to chill out and not react too much to someone clicking the Like link or commenting. And if someone likes all your stuff and comments all the time? Creeper. A solid piece of guidance was that people shouldn’t Friend on Facebook until they get to know each other in person. That way you can build impressions based on what is real versus what is posted online.

As the title implies, the main focus of the book was on texting. The authors founded HeTexted.com and it’s sort of a big advertisement for the site as well as a treatise on what they’ve gleaned from users on the site. I feel like it rehashed a lot of the whole “He’s Not Into You” advice from 2009. If you think a guy is dumping you on text, he is. If you think he is creepy in text, he is. If you think he is trying to get a booty call via text, he is. And when you try to rationalize otherwise? You are wrong.

I thought this book was pretty hilarious. I often read aloud parts to Wonder Boy. I learned crazy stupid slang I never need to use like breves (abbreviations), exclams (exclamation points) and F2F (face-to-face). There are others. You won’t feel smarter for me listing them all out.

I have a couple real issues with He Texted. First, there are a few parts where they are so specific about technology that the book was out of date about a week after it was published. When not as specific, they still list so much about technology that the book will be out of date about two months after publication. The brobassadors (I am not making that up) who share the male perspective throughout the book come off as douchebags, though occasionally their advice seems spot-on. The whole take on dating seemed to be pretty traditional in terms of guys calling the shots and making the first move. I guess I thought we moved past that a long time ago but maybe not.

He Texted is not all bad. I would not recommend this to many people at all, but there are a few where I think, “You need to read this.” You have friends always agonizing of the interpretation of every piece of electronic communication they get from a potential boyfriend / girlfriend? Just give them this book so you can stop hearing about it. It might actually help.

A book review of He Texted: The Ultimate Guide to Dating in the Digital Era by Lisa Winning and Carrie Henderson McDermott..
This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

Worst Date

We all have out first date and our worst date stories. With Wonder Boy, I can reflect on a first date dressed as Michael Jackson and a worst date (seventh date) that ended in the hospital.

In November 2003 Wonder Boy and I ventured out to the mall to buy a wedding gift for friends and had plans to grab dinner afterwards. About halfway into our drive, I was writhing in pain in my seat, doubled over with sever cramps. Wonder Boy looked over and saw me pale and white knuckling the Oh Shit handle of his car.
“Can you stop somewhere please?” I asked.
He pulled over to a lovely gas station called Swifty.  The kind that has a bathroom in an outside cement stall. Only slightly more modern than a outhouse. I dashed in and had a lot of what I’m going to refer to as Personal Time.
After about 10 to 15 minutes, Wonder Boy knocked on the door to check on me. “Go away!” I yelled. Repeat that interaction 10 minutes later. And again. Maybe even again?
Finally I came out and said I needed to go home. As Wonder Boy pulled into my apartment complex driveway, he leaned over and said, “Pretty romantic seventh date, huh?” Rather than be embarrassed about what was happening to me, I just looked at him and said,”You’ve been counting our dates?!?!”
After he left and I was back in my apartment, I continued to have Personal Time. So much Personal Time, in fact, that I decided I need to see a doctor. (No need for specifics.) I called my mom but she wasn’t home. I tried a few other people and then decided to call Wonder Boy, a nurse, and ask him to come back and take me to the hospital. The romantic evening couldn’t get any worse so why not?
At that point in time, Wonder Boy was still new to town and was relying on me to direct him to a hospital. The only one I was confident about finding was the most urban of the bunch and had a colorful waiting room that included people high on drugs and alcohol, people handcuffed to chairs and chaos everywhere.
After a visit with a doctor WEARING A TOP GUN JUMPSUIT, we were sent home with directions on how to take care of my Personal Time issues.
And that is my worst date ever.
This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

A Thank You Letter to David Bianculli

When I wind down at the end of the day, I have to trick my mind into focusing on something easy. Redirect it to relaxing thoughts. It’s part of the reason I read as much as I do. It’s the primary reason I like to read while working out – using up all of my physical and mental energy at one time so I leave the gym exhausted.The trouble begins when the lights go off and I lay in bed with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep. My mind starts whirling like the fan of an overheated computer.

The best cure so far has been to listen to podcasts. This does raise a few issues, though.

  • Deafness: I don’t want to be listing to things all night because I don’t think that’s wise in terms of hearing health. When I switched from an iPod to a smart phone, I was able to set a timer to my podcasts so they shut off automagically. I also use the lowest volume setting available.
  • Death: I don’t want to die by strangulation from an earbuds cord. Or by having an earbud go so far into my ear canal that it hits my brain and kills me. Either of those things would be embarrassing. I believe I have circumvented these issues by only listening most nights with one earbud and making sure it is barely in my ear. But the risk of mortifying death is still present.
  • Side Effects: There is a certain type of voice that puts me right to sleep. After years of training myself to fall asleep when I hear a certain cadence of voice, when I encounter that same speaking style during the day, it’s all I can do stay awake. To all the British people who have made me yawn? I apologize.

I’ve tried out many different podcasts to determine which ones helped me sleep the best. I generally stick with NPR because no matter how outlandish the story is, the reporters’ voices stay calm. I used to listen to world news because that would put me to sleep even in the middle of the day. Eventually I learned too much from the podcasts, started caring more and world news stopped cutting it.

Terry Gross from Fresh Air has a beautiful voice. It builds in pitch as each sentence or phrase goes on and then drops at the end. It doesn’t drop in the way young girls’ voices drop turning everything into a question. It just has a steady up and down to it. In addition to a nice voice, I also like how Terry Gross (all NPR hosts should be referred to by their full name, don’t you think?) conducts interviews and sometimes I get distracted from sleep by the subject matter. If I am completely uninterested in the topic, Terry Gross is my gal. Puts me right to sleep.

I’ve been pretty obsessed with Pop Culture Happy Hour lately and tried sleeping to that, but I consistently like it too much and it makes me laugh, literally, so it’s a no-go.

Again and again the person who puts me to sleep the quickest is David Bianculli, who, until looking up the proper spelling to write this, I always thought was David Bean Cooley. David Bianculli, a TV critic, sometimes fills in for Terry Gross and he often does entertainment segments on the show.

Now, lest you say that this is an insult to someone’s work, I assure you that I mean it in the nicest of ways when I say that David Bianculli puts me to sleep. His segments are typically short and they tend to focus on media and pop culture, which I enjoy but don’t find taxing or stressful. He speaks with the same up and down that Terry Gross has and tends towards shorter sentences, which make sense as he’s explaining complicated plot lines. If I stay awake for more than one of his segments, I learn about the pop culture I enjoy. And if I fall asleep, it’s with a little gratitude for David Bianculli.

Photo by Elisa Nobe
This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.

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