I recently went on a vacation to Ocean Isle. One of the choice pictures from my trip:
Ten pieces of Dale Jr. for only $9.99??? That’s cheap! Where did they get so much Dale Jr.? And does he know they are selling off bits of him? And how big are these pieces? I, NASCAR fan that I am, want to make sure I am getting my $9.99 worth.
Category: travel
I was in Tennessee this weekend for my boyfriend’s cousin’s wedding. I met 50+ people and was generally overwhelmed. However, I did learn some new things I feel I must share.
Things like referring to a water spicket as a hose pipe are no big deal. However, when you get to witness a 15 minute discussion about taterguns, or po-tatergun, depending on how you would like to say it, you know you are privy to a whole new world.
A tatergun, for those of you not in the know, is a contraption made of PVC pipe, duct tape, plastic garbage bag ties and a lighter you might use to light your grill. It’s shaped like a very large gun with a barrel about 2 or 3 feet long and 3 inches in diameter.
To use your tatergun, you shove a potato in the barrel and use your ramrod to push it to the proper depth. Then you open a cap near the handle and spray some hair spray, preferably Aqua Net, quickly close the cap and then you the lighter as a trigger.
The gun makes a loud whoooomp sound and the gun lights up iridescent blue. With a good shot, a flame shoots out 6 to 12 inches out of the gun and the potato can go well over 100 yards. One man shot a hole through his garage with a potato.
I only saw the gun shot off once but they used White Rain hair spray and apparently that’s not of the same ideal, very flammable low quality that Aqua Net offers. Sure enough though – that potato hit the tree and we had mashed potatoes.
So I am newly back from Vegas, a town where someone or something will do everything for you. Seriously, everything.
Putting coins into the slots yourself too hard? No problem! They have paper vouchers for you instead.
Picking up women too hard for you? No problem! There are listings for prostitutes (and the actual women themselves) everywhere.
Staying away from gambling too hard for you? No problem! Every building in town makes staying away from gambling a non-option so just gamble away.
Maybe some things need some work though. Most of the (ladies) bathrooms in Vegas have those automatic sinks, towel dispensers and toilet flushers. I don’t think they work so well though. While using one toilet at the Hard Rock Casino, it flsuhed not once, not twice, not three times, not four times, but five times before I even stood up. And after it flushed properly, that made for six flushes. At anywhere from 1.6 to 7 gallons of water per flush, that makes for 9.6 to 42 gallons of water wasted on me.
Now Las Vegas annually leases 500 acre-feet of water from the Storrie Lake Water Users Association. Do you think that if they had let me flush my own darn toilet they could have saved themselves some money? And imagine all those other wasted flushes…
My friend Delicious pointed out to me on our Europe trip that I over-used the word “humongous.” (Also the phrase buen tiro while drinking.) He over-used “definitely” and “delicious.” Once you start to notice people’s favorite words, it starts to grate on your nerves.
Britney Spears is in the middle of promoting her (badly reviewed by critics but well-received by fans) album. As part of this she is doing the perfunctory shows on VH-1 and MTV and ABC. I admit to watching too much TV and catching segments of all her specials. I don’t think Britney has had many profound or surreal things happen to her yet I have seen her say both words dozens of times – apparently she thinks saying them makes her look smart. “I met Madonna. She was in my video. It was so profound.” Really? Profound?
Also, happy National False Confession Day. It’s like a free pass to lie your butt off for 24 hours.