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Why you should not push your child into acting

On March 27, 2006

This weekend Wonder Boy and I headed north to Chicago. As luck would have it, three of the maybe five people I keep in touch with from high school all live there. It makes for fun times and cheap accommodations. It’s also the only environment where I turn straight up girl and revert back to catty gossip and exclamations of Nuh-uh! and, mostly to mock Mart Girl, Hey Chica!

The weekend was filled with lots of good ethnic food, some shopping and catching up. On Saturday night we headed out to the Cubby Bear, across from Wrigley Field. It was packed, as well it should have been. After all, the beer was relatively cheap, the DJ was spinning good cuts and the opening act for the evening’s cover band was Dustin Diamond.

You’re probably sitting there thinking “Dustin Diamond? Sounds familiar…” And it should. You grew up watching him every Saturday play Screech on Saved by the Bell. Apparently his post TV days are occupied with stand up comedy now. And wow. Talk about trying hard to not be Screech.

Diamond spent a little too much time trying to convince the audience that he was cool (“Trust the Dust”) and that he was funny (“People in Miami laughed at that!”). In addition, he is obsessed with doing girls in the butt. Obsessed I say! He also seems to have an odd preoccupation with old ladies’ cooters. (That’s right, I said cooters. But I think that is a much nicer word that calling them grilled cheese sandwiches.)

It was worth the $10 to see Diamond because of the jealousy it will cause for my sister. And because it was funny to say I was 20 feet from Screech. But hearing him say things like, “Oh, trust me, I will make you Screech” in a pervy way… Let’s just say I have a whole new perspective on my childhood Saturday mornings.

Then… Definitely not getting any from Lisa

Now… Not getting any
from anyone

I am a God Warrior

By Kate

On November 10, 2005

In television

Reality Television is bad. Bad like a bag full of Halloween Candy sitting in your kitchen taunting you with its yummy, fattening, teeth-rotting goodness. It’s bad like the episodes of Who’s Your Baby’s Daddy Maury Povich episodes that are on when I get home from work and want nothing more than 15 minutes to vegetate on my couch in front of the TV. Over the past couple of years Reality Television has started to go downhill and meet its inevitable demise. But then last night, during an episode of the usually atrocious show Trading Spouses, things started looking up.

In a continuation of an episode from the week before, two moms continued on their week-long venture being mom to another family. New Age Mom was open and remarkably considerate to the religious and, in my view, wee odd family she mothered. God Warrior Mom was a fruit loop.

God Warrior Mom was in this home where the kids were typical insolent adolescents and the dad, husband of New Age Mom, was new age and weirdly calm and open. (Seriously, whatever pot he was smoking was good.) But God Warrior Mom was crazy. And then she went back to her home, real husband and kids. OH MY GOD. Very entertaining though…

Watch it. it’s worth it – I promise.

Get Smart

By Kate

On September 27, 2005

In television

My friend has this morbid thing he does on his web site where he posts pictures of famous people after they have died with X’s on their eyes. (Yes, Danny, it is morbid.) But in some strange way, I think, it’s his way of commemorating folks he likes who have passed on. All political arguments about who is appropriate and inappropriate to appear with X’s on their eyes aside, it’s sometimes a weirdly sweet gesture.

And here is mine, minus the X’s.

When I was a kid my parents were pretty strict about what television shows I could watch. I was the oldest child and they had aspirations of keeping my mind pure. Always safe for my television enjoyment were the shows on Nick at Nite. Now this was before they started showing shows from the 80s on Nick at Nite (what’s up with that???) and nearly every show that was aired was in black and white. My knowledge of old TV is weird for someone my age. I knew who I liked better – Patty or Cathy (Patty, of course, though I knew I was more like Cathy). I wanted a dad like Steve Douglas on My Three Sons – a grandpa like Bub O’Casey, too, for that matter.

My absolute favorite childhood TV show was Get Smart, starring Don Adams as Maxwell Smart, a.k.a., Agent 86, and Barbara Feldon as Agent 99. The show was AWESOME. The man had a shoe phone! (This was long before cell phones so the idea of walking around with a phone was still novel.) Agents 86 and 99 were always tracking down bad guys and dealing with villains. Agent 86 had this special hat he would use when a bad guy gassed his train car (they were on trains a lot). He could pull down the rim of his hat around his neck and it pulled a gas mask down around him. The man was a genius.

Inspector Gadget would have been a more appropriate show for my youth (Don Adams did the voice of Inspector Gadget) but frankly, it wasn’t cool enough. I preferred my shows in black and white, thank you very much.

Don Adams died this past Sunday. To commemorate him, I suggest talking into your shoe at least one time this week.

Extreme

By Kate

On May 3, 2005

In television

So last night I was watching TV. I don’t have cable, which means I have 6 channels from which to choose what I watch. My options last night:

George Bush talking about something
George Bush talking about something
George Bush talking about something
George Bush talking about something
Eye for an Eye
Blue Collar TV

Of course I went with Eye for an Eye. Was there really any other choice?

Have you ever seen this show? I think it’s rather fabulous, though I think it’s definitely a tad on the racist side and I shouldn’t have found it as funny as I did…
In the show, Judge Extreme Akim is like a Judge Judy who uses a baseball bat instead of a gavel. His commentator is Tommy Habeeb and his bailiff is Sugar Ray Phillips (former middleweight boxing champion of the world).

On the episode I watched, the case was two sisters fighting it out over money. Sister I was unemployed and living with Sister II. Sister I won $500 in the lottery and Sister II thought the money should go to her since she had paid so much for Sister I (rent, food, etc.). Since so much badmouthing took place over the trial, Judge Extreme Akim’s decision was that both sisters would fight it out. The winning lottery ticket was hidden in a full dumpster and the sister had to search for it. After one of them found it, they had to fight each other for it. He also threw in an extra $200 so that the ultimate winner got $700. At some point during the battle, a spectator jumped into the dumpster and Sugar had to yank him out.

Mustaches

By Kate

On April 19, 2005

In television

So my boyfriend pointed out a while back the relationship between evil world leaders and mustaches. It’s almost as if having bad hair growing on your face makes you evil…