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Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Close – The Different Ways We Preserve Memories

On August 27, 2014

In 2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino, the main character Madeleine is dealing with the loss of her mother. Before her mom passed away, she created a recipe box of instructions. “Do what scares you.” “Know yourself.” It’s a heartbreaking, lovely idea, creating a way for a young child to maintain a connection to their mother, to have memories they might be too young to form.There are so many different ways we can cherish the memory of a loved one. I like how the memories we keep so often reflect the personality of the person we miss

Memories in Plain Sight

When I had my First Communion, my aunt Betty gave me a gold ring with a turquoise stone that was given to her by her aunt. Thinking back, that was a crazy thing to do! I can barely keep track of jewelry now, but at seven … no chance. And yet, somehow I still have it! I’ve long since outgrown the dainty little ring, but sometimes still wear it on a chain as a pendant. When I think back on Betty, I don’t remember her as girly or prissy or someone who would make a big deal over jewelry. But, she was my grandparents’ only daughter and I think that status carried with it some privilege of being different in a family with five sons. I’m excited for when I get to pass the ring on to a niece

A pinky ring given to me by my aunt Betty.

– – –

Almost every day I wear my grandmother’s engagement ring on my right ring finger. It is so not my style to cover myself in jewels, but that sparkly ring reminds me not only of my grandmother but also of the bond she and I shared. On my left hand, my wedding band is a simple silver ring. I like it for its simplicity. It’s there to symbolize my relationship with my husband and doesn’t need any flash added to it for other people to admire. My grandmother had a similar wedding band and later in life she asked that I make sure she was buried with that ring on – she had never taken it off since her wedding day. I, likewise, haven’t removed my ring since getting married. It’s a simple gesture, but one that bonds me to her

Memories in Details

When I was younger, my grandpa would take me and my siblings to the pond to feed the ducks. I don’t really know where the pond was or how many ducks we successfully fed, but I can describe for you in great detail the food we used. Off of my grandparents’ kitchen was a stairwell into their basement with a landing midway with a door that led outside. Just after the landing there was a shelf of sorts that ran parallel to the ceiling. Right at the end closest to the steps, my grandfather kept a brown paper bag filled with corn. It was always folded over and kind of solid like a brick, rather than a loose sack. Long after he died, while my grandmother was still, living there, the last bag of corn he’d bought stayed on the shelf. I recently learned that my uncle saved that bag and it’s sitting in a drawer in his kitchen. That made me so happy, knowing that something that holds only sentimental value but means so much to me still exists.

– – –

When we were in Cleveland, in between trip to feed the ducks, my grandmother would take us on trips to Convenient, a local convenience store. Being kids form the suburbs with nowhere specific we could walk or bike to, trips to Convenient were a big deal. And bless my grandma, she saw how much fun we had on those trips and would manage to drag one short shopping list into many, many walks to the store. “Ooops, we need butter!” “We ran out of milk!” I cannot imagine how much extra she spent shopping there versus somewhere else. When we got a little older we were able to ride our grandparents’ 3-speed bikes to the store. My grandma’s had baskets on the side, which was especially handy when being sent on errands at Convenient. I have lots of funny stories about my grandma but some of my favorite are walking side by side with her just to go buy some overpriced milk.

Memories in the Future

When offered with the option of taking French, German, Spanish or Latin in high school, I quickly chose German. My grandpa had told me that if I took German, he would send me on my school’s class trip to Europe. I am no fool. Ich spreche Deutsch. Looking back on that gift, it was a weird one. I am one of about a bajillion grandkids but the only one, to my knowledge, who got that offer. Maybe my grandpa thought I had an aptitude for German? (Notsomuch.) That trip to Europe set the stage for so much, though. Over the course of 10 days I visited England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Liechtenstein and Austria. I think that a whirlwind itinerary like that is part of the reason I now try and spend a more extended period of time in each place I visit and not over-schedule my time. I’ve now been to 22 countries (23 if you count the U.S.!) with more already being planned for. That plan to teach me German might have failed, but the side effect of infecting me with the travel bug? Love it.

– – –

In 2012 my godmother, Fish, died. She wasn’t someone who I spoke with on any regular basis, but she was a constant source of support and inspiration for me. I know people who travel alone, but Fish travelled. She went to places on her own, without a tour, that would intimidate most people traveling in groups. If she wanted to see a place, she just did it. What’s so valuable about knowing someone like that is that it illustrates to you what is doable. And so when Wonder Boy and I discuss our next travel location, nothing seems out of bounds. If Fish could do it, I can do it.

What are the ways you cherish the memories of loved ones?

I read 2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas as part of From Left to Write and received a copy of the book as part of that book club. Read more about what I thought of this book.

2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino.

What’s Wrong with Grandma and Grandpa

By Kate

On June 18, 2014

In family / friends

I’ll have a nephew ask if he can do something and respond with, “Ask your grandma or your grandpa,” only to be greeted by a blank stare. “Your Poppy? Mamaw? Maw? Papa?” My guessing game continues until I land on some word that’s familiar to the child and they run off to their grandparents.A little more than two years ago, my side of the family expanded witht the birth of my niece. My parents had much deliberation over what they wanted to be called by their new grandchild and landed on Ci-Ci and The Dude. Because my niece is a child with her own sense of right and wrong, she calls them Ci-Ci and Doo-Doo.

It’s cute and it works for everyone and my new nephew will likely call them the same things. But for me, it’s a new layer of confusion.

I now contend with labels of Ci-Ci, Doo-Doo, Mamaw, Papaw, Poppy, Nana, Pa, Gi-Gi and more. Whatever happened to grandma and grandpa?

What’s wrong with being called Grandma and Grandpa?

In 1988 there was an episode of The Cosby Show where the oldest daughter, Sondra, and her husband, Elvin, give birth to twins. The couple’s mothers, Clair Huxtable and Francine Tibideaux, decide that the word “grandmother” sounds too old. They’d prefer something more grand like “Mother: the Sequel.”

In my memory, that’s when this labelling thing went south. Grandmother and Grandfather, or, conversely, Grandma and Grandpa, don’t sound old. In fact, they sound about as grand as it gets since it is right there in the name.

And the common nomenclature comes in handy when talking with kids. I don’t look forward to the day when I give my niece some piece of furniture passed down to me or my nephew a piece of art I’ve inherited, and when they ask who it’s from, I say, “my grandma” and they look back at me with a blank face.

Stuffed Peppers

By Kate

On March 23, 2014

In family / friends

I stumbled across this drafted post I wrote two years ago. I’m not sure why I never published it. It would have made my grandma happy to see it.My grandmother was a very thrifty lady. She was a wonderful seamstress and could make clothes for herself or kids, or, more importantly, take an old outfit and update it a bit so she didn’t have to buy something brand new. In the kitchen she was amazing. She cooked up wonderful food and her desserts were delicious.

One thing my grandmother always talked about was making stuffed peppers. She would save all leftover food and freeze it. Then she would take whatever made sense, mix it all up, and throw it in some peppers. When she used to tell me this, I was still a picky eater and would think, “Gross.” Now? I know it is genius.

I’m the kind of gal who always follow recipes. I don’t trust myself in the kitchen to just wing it. But with stuffed peppers, I know I can be creative!

When I make stuff peppers, I cut off the tops and hollow out the body of the pepper. Then I throw the pepper into boiling water for about 5 minutes. In the meantime, I dice up the tops of the peppers (minus the stems, of course) and toss them into a pot with whatever I want. Some good staples are corn, onions, black beans, rice and a small handful of cheese. I cook those long enough to make sure the rice (or pasta) is done.

If you like a little kick, you can add spices or spicier peppers. The rice is a nice solid base to keep the meal more filling. Beyond that though, go crazy. Meats (faux or real), other veggies or maybe some other types of pasta would make good additions.

And this is where I learn from my grandma. All those things you can toss in can be leftovers! This week I’ve been saving up caramelized onions and peppers, taco fixings and stir-fry leftovers. The flavors shouldn’t mesh but it all seems to work out for a yummy meal.

Pursuing Knowledge & and Support an Important Community Resource

By Kate

On September 30, 2013

In family / friends

Although I have physical things by which I can remember by grandmother – her wedding band, lamps her father made that she was so proud of, the dishes in which she served sour cream and onion dip – the greatest legacy she left me is inescapable. My aggressive pursuit of acquiring new skills and knowledge … that’s all her. The slightly obsessive way I fixate on one new craft or skill … that’s part my grandmother and part my mom.

My most recent obsessions pursuits, have been around reading (that one never goes away) and sewing (again). Sewing is something I can putter around with in my spare time. I give myself goals and figure out how to make whatever it is I have in my head (with varying results).

Reading is different. For me it’s as basic a need as drinking water or eating food. I need it to thrive.
I remember in the third grade my teacher called my mom in for a conference saying that basically there was no way I could be reading so many books and comprehending them. She thought I must be skimming them or just flipping through the pages. That stopped when I was able to talk about all of the books I was reading.

I have distinct memories of shutting myself inside my closet at night, turning on the light and reading books from cover to cover so I could read scary stories but be past the scary parts before going to sleep. When I was in junior high I used to lay out a hammock in our backyard and read for so long that time limits were enforced.

I have romantic ideas of one day owning a house with a library that has floor to ceiling books with a ladder on wheels propped up against the wall so I can reach higher shelves. This is despite the fact that I long ago acknowledged the fact that I don’t re-read many books and so stopped buying them and started making heavy use of The Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County.

For me libraries are sort of a safe haven. They are filled with books, which I love, and staffed by people who love books, which is perfection. Other people see the library as a safe haven, too, but for other reasons. There they can get help with homework, on their GED, on job applications, with learning English and so much more. A library is more than a place for books and information. It’s a community resource center – as in a place for resources but also the center of the community.

The Public Library of Cincinnati and Hamilton County has more than half a million cardholders and it’s one of the ten busiest public libraries in the nation! Their levy is up for renewal this fall and the levy’s passing is important to ensure that the library can continue to be a strong community resource. Taxes won’t increase if this levy passes but it will help maintain the only local funding for the library.

I’ll be supporting the library and hope you will, too.

My grandmother passed away several years ago, but in case I ever need something extra by which to remember her, I can always look to her library card. The prefect representation of her own quest for knowledge.

St. Patrick’s Day in Athens, Ohio

By Kate

On March 21, 2012

In family / friends, travel

Last weekend we went to one of my very favorite places, Athens, Ohio, to celebrate the impending nuptials of my sister and her friend. Not to each other. They just both happen to be getting married in the same time frame so we decided to have one big party rather than several smaller ones. Some highlights of the weekend, excluding the obvious ones like eating at my favorite restaurant and experiencing the same happiness I always feel as I coast down the exit ramp into Athens, include:

Laughing as my one sister put a fake tattoo on the chest of my other sister’s future mother-in-law
Having tears run down my face as one of my brother’s friend’s tried to discretely scoot a miniature, plastic penis off the table before the waiter noticed, only to have it land right in front of the waiter
Dancing at the Pub with fishbowls full of green beer sloshing in our hands
Creating a tunnel with our hands and making random people dance their way into and out of the bathroom
Cheering my mom and brother on while they drank Irish Car Bombs to celebrate my mom’s birthday only minutes into the actual day
Having a pubescent group of boys lie to us about their age and basically stalk us in the hopes of getting to dance with a girl
My brother winning a bet with his future brother-in-law by getting his mom (the brother-in-law’s) to do a shot of Hot Nuts at Tony’s
Watching my sister and my other sister’s future sister-in-law do some crazy dance while standing on top of bar stools

I have several pictures of my sister that could embarrass her. Instead, I’ll just post one of myself. The lighting is pretty terrible, but I’m having a good time!