Kate

Author: Kate Page 25 of 195

Make Room For Mistakes – Your Own and Others’

On August 13, 2014

I am my harshest critic. I am super critical of most things I do, even if I don’t present myself that way. Most of the bosses I’ve had over the years have given my annual reviews that use essentially the same script of, “You’re doing great! Keep doing what you’re doing!” There’s part of me that wants some constructive, helpful feedback. But then, I also know that I’ve already noted my areas that need improvement. Extensively.I remember once making a mistake for something at work – something that is still in place to this day because it cannot be changed – and afterwards I just cried and cried. (I was, very fortunately, at home when this occurred.) When I shared the mistake, people were like, “Eh, no big deal.”

This thing that had been so huge in my head wasn’t actually that big.

This is something I am trying to remember more often. I don’t need to be so critical of myself. I can be kinder to myself.

It’s easier said than done, but I’m working on it.

Recently something happened at work that wasn’t huge, but it was a stupid mistake that I made and it was noticed. My gut instinct is the same one I had when I was young – deny the problem, deflect the anger, hide. But I claimed the mistake, fixed the error and left it at that. It’s a vulnerable place to be – that moment right after admitting a mistake. But the response? “Everyone makes mistakes. No problem.”

I was sort of proud of myself. I resisted my natural tendency to duck and cover and just addressed the error. And everything was okay.

On a recent episode of Professor Blastoff, Tig Notaro was talking about seeing issues as black and white and how she confronted mistakes.

“I like to go through life saying, ‘We’re all doing our best, guys.’ I like to make room for people making mistakes because I know I’m going to be making mistakes and I’d like for them to please keep that in mind about me. And so I try to be easy on people.”

Yes. That.

I know life isn’t always that easy. There are people who as critical of others as I am on myself. People who won’t cut you a break. But those aren’t the people you want to be around. Those are the people you deal with and try to move away from.

The key is to not be one of those people. To others or yourself.

Quote from Tig Notaro about giving others room to make mistakes so they can do the same for you.

My Week In Books: Examinations of Love – For Players, Ladies of the Night and Families

By Kate

On August 11, 2014

In books, reviews

Over the last week (and a half), I’d read three books. Although unrelated, they do carry the common theme of love. In one, the author examines the love life of young man and his propensity for churning through women at a rapid rate. In the next, there is a mystery surrounding a “lady of the night” and her interactions with men, both those rooted in business and rooted in love. The final one focuses on a family unit and how the love changes when challenged by a third party and past mistakes.I added The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. by Adelle Waldman to my reading list long ago, attracted by the bright cover as well as the ringing endorsements of reviews. When I finished the book, I was pleased just be finished. To be able to set it aside and not look back. (This post aside.) When I logged the book into Goodreads, my quickly typed assessment summed up all of my feelings in one sentence. “This book is sort of like every bad stereotype I have about upperclass, east coast, Ivy League school attending, supposed liberals rolled into one character.” I have nothing further I can add.

The dauntingly thick The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton turned out to be a lovely palate cleanser. The 800-page novel spans a relatively short period of time but is told from the perspective of many different characters, all of whom play a part in a mysterious series of event taking place in a small town in New Zealand during the gold rush. Catton does a brilliant job of letting the style of the narrator determine the length of each portion of the novel. This means that the first half, or so, of the book is made up of very long descriptions as different men try to present themselves in the most favorable light to their peers. After the groundwork of the case is laid out, the narrator changes to an objective third-person perspective and suddenly the chapters shorten and the storyline quickens.

I’m looking forward to passing this novel on to my father and hearing his take. He enjoys historical fiction, which I think is a good but not entirely accurate description of The Luminaries. It’s more like a great mystery novel that builds on the style of great historical adventures.

Never Mind Miss Fox: A Novel by Olivia Glazebrook is a book I won as a Goodreads First Read. The central characters are Clive, his wife Martha and their daughter Eliza, as well as a family friend, Eliot. No character really comes out looking altogether good, with the exception of Eliza, whose behavior fitting of a child. The others might behave as children, but since they are not… it’s harder to excuse.

My Week in Books: The Love Affairs of Nathanial P, The Luminaries and Never Mind Miss Fox.

‘Ello

By Kate

On August 7, 2014

In uncategorized

One of my favorite movie exchanges, and one which has inadvertently changed the way I say hello for all time:

The Worm: ‘Ello.Sarah: Did you say… hello?

The Worm: No, I said “‘ello,” but that’s close enough.

Sarah: Oh… you’re a worm, aren’t you?

The Worm: Yeah, that’s right.

Sarah: You don’t by any chance know the way through this labyrinth, do you?

The Worm: Who, me? No, I’m just a worm. Say, come inside, and meet the missus.

It’s from Labyrinth, starring Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie. (I know Bowie is an excellent singer, but its hard to top Magic Dance, a wonderful song made better by the fact that the baby thrown in the air while singing it in the film is so obviously a child’s doll.) I’ve seen the movie dozens of times.

Often at work I’ll say “‘Ello” to someone as I pass them in the hall. They clearly think I’m imitating a British accent and will make some remark about it. I don’t know how to explain that really I’m imitating a worm’s accent.

On Nudity and Dating

By Kate

On August 5, 2014

In uncategorized

There was a stretch when I watched those VH-1 “Greatest …” type programs but other than that, it’s a television station that is completely off of my radar.

Until recently.

I was sitting on the couch flipping through channels when two thoughtfully blurred out naked people appeared on screen. They were hiking in the woods, which seems like one of the last place you’d really want to be naked, so I was intrigued.

Ten or fifteen minutes passed and I was still watching when Wonder Boy came out into the living room.

“What are you watching?”

“It’s Dating Naked. These people are set up on blind dates and they’re naked. You have to watch.”

Now Wonder Boy will rightfully argue that he has better taste in television than I do, if you assume that reality television is garbage and sci-fi is quality. (Occasionally questionable, but often true.) But he still watched for a few minutes.

“You can see her butt,” he said.

“Oh yeah. Give it a minute. You’ll see his, too.”

VH-1 argues that “online dates, blind dates, and the latest in ridiculous dating apps all make it hard to see people for who they really are.” I watch people flipping through Tinder and it’s hard for me to disagree with that assertion.From there on, VH-1 and I have different views on how to meet new people and get to really know them.

Each week on a primitive island resort, far from the masks of modern society, daters will go on exotic dates and be naked every step of the way.

We will follow along as two primitive daters each go on a total of three naked dates, including their first date with each other. At the end of this experience they’ll choose which of their naked dates they would like to continue dating back home.

Naked daters will bare their soul and a whole lot more in this groundbreaking dating experiment.

This show leaves me with several questions:

If your date takes place in the woods, do you get to spray mosquito repellent all over yourself? Is that safe … you know … down there? And is the scent of insect repellent sexy?
Because of what can and cannot be shown on television, there are a lot of butt scenes. How much advance notice do contestants (is that what they ever are?) get before being on the show? Does it give them ample time to do the squats and lunges necessary to get their rear in nice shape?
Accidental touching has to happen. If you’re naked all the time, how do you create boundaries?
Some of the dates are more active – think dancing. How do people manage to limit the … bouncing?

Am I missing something here???

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10 Things I Believe In

By Kate

On August 1, 2014

In uncategorized

In my heart I know to be true that Hershey’s Syrup is much tastier when drank straight from the bottle. People who tell you otherwise just haven’t tried.

Learning not only helps us grow intellectually, but it keeps us interesting in conversation, relationships and in life. Never stopping learning. School can end, but learning should not.

Lunch breaks are essential. Getting up, stepping outside, looking up and letting the sun fall on your face? That moment might be the best in your day.

Reading while working out? I believe it’s the best way to work out. I don’t buy into any of the physical fitness stories that tell you that you shouldn’t read while working out. The people in those articles might have six packs, but they can’t know the joy of staying on the elliptical for another 15 minutes just so you can get through the good part in your story.

It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and say no to (some) technology. You aren’t saying no to progress. You’re just placing boundaries on how much technology you let into your life.

When you work at a job with sick days, I believe it’s your obligation to use them rather than go to work sick. It’s not a cop-out. It’s a kindness to everyone you’re preventing from catching your crud.

Handwritten notes being joy to the recipient, but also the sender. As written letters become more and more rare, their significance only increases.

We all have a right to respond to a question with some variation of, “That’s none of your business.” You can say it nicely, but you shouldn’t feel bad for saying it.

I believe it’s okay to be an introvert. It makes me cringe when I hear someone say, “And we’ll give everyone a chance to … to get over [some synonym for being introverted].” Just because some of us are quiet doesn’t mean we aren’t contributing.