I came back from a two week vacation, during which my body granted me a reprieve from a period that has been going almost non-stop since July, feeling antsy about some test results. I had done pretty well at checking out during vacation and not thinking about my uterus, but in the back of my mind was still this underlying worry about my results.I got tested for BRCA1 and BRCA2, commonly known as the breast cancer genes, right before leaving on vacation. The idea would be that if I tested positive, my ovaries would exit my body during the hysterectomy. If I tested negative, I would get to keep my ovaries and postpone menopause until it’s naturally occurring time. I like this sort of logic because it’s just that – logic. I don’t understand how people are supposed to make medical decisions without concrete facts. You talk to as many people as possible and collect whatever information you can and then you’re supposed to make a decision based on … what? Your gut? I can’t take that. So this letting what to me was the hardest decision rest on the results of a genetics test was wonderful.

The Monday I returned to work, I started calling for test results first thing in the morning. Because not everything revolves around me, I found myself leaving messages and pleading with front desk staff explaining that I needed the results in time for a 8 am appointment on Tuesday with my doctor.

Finally I got through. The counselor said to me, “When I left you a message saying your results were ready, I tried to imply that the results were good. I hope you could tell that.” Um, not so much. But the results were good! I tested negative for BRCA1 and BRCA2 and it was like an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders.

Although my results don’t really affect my extended family too much – they would have to get their own tests done – I did share everything I learned. It was fascinating to me that I could get a test, 100% covered by my insurance, that gave me such valuable information. I’m not sure if I’d be as enthusiastic had I tested positive because it would have other ramifications in terms of my likelihood of being diagnosed with breast cancer, but for now, the information just feels like great power.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.