I’ve been itching to go back to a the gym for several weeks now, but didn’t want to join back up on January 1 among the thongs of people trying to keep resolutions for the new year. Thinking enough time had passed, I finally visited an L.A. Fitness. (My beloved, comfortable YMCA is under construction and they don’t have another location close enough for me to be sure I won’t use distance as an excuse not to visit.)

In my mind, many of the chain fitness places, like L.A. Fitness, are where people go to work out but also look pretty. You know, see and be seen. Many years ago I was briefly a member of a similar chain. It was a bad match. But I need to get in shape! And so…

Free visitor pass in hand, I went to the closest location. Upon entering, I was overcome by the noise. Top 40 music was playing and machines were clanking everywhere.

I was directed to the office of a sales guy. It went badly right from the start.

“So, Kate, what brings you here tonight, Kate?”

Um, I want to join a gym??? Why else would I be there. I explained about my YMCA being under construction and needing a new place.

“Well, Kate. Tell me what you liked about the YMCA.”

I decided not to beat around the bush.

“It was quiet. They didn’t have music playing. It was mostly attended by older men and people were there only to work out. I felt no need to dress up or look pretty. It was about working out and it was nice.”

It was a little combative. He knew it. But he went forth as if he clearly had the upper hand, criticizing the YMCA multiple times during his sales pitch and saying my first name no less than 30 times. AS IF I DIDN’T REMEMBER IT.

Before my tour, he asked for my ID so he could fill out some paperwork and then said he needed to keep my ID until after my workout so he could “process some things.” Alarm bells were going off in my head because it meant a repeat meeting, but I played along.

The thing is, my decision would hinge on only a few things. Did they have the brand of elliptical I like? Could I read while I worked out? Did they have the few other machines I use?

I’d work around the noise the the girls working out in full make-up.

I was relieved to see that all off their ellipticals were my favored brand, but disappointed to note that they had personal viewing devices (TVs) mounted to the tops.

“Do you have book holders for your machines?” I asked.

The sales guy pointed out the little lip that comes default on the machines that might, might, hold a magazine.

“Right, but do you have book holders? For real books? Thick books? The YMCA provided that.”

He looked at me like I was an idiot.

After our tour I worked out and it felt great. On my way out I went back to the sales guy so I could pick up my ID. He tried to sign me up right there.

“Um, I don’t think you understand me. I’m not joining tonight. I was testing it out and as I explained, you do not have book holders, which the YMCA did. If I can find a book holder that will work, I’ll join. If not, I will pay more money to attend a further away YMCA.”

I think I blew his mind. And not in a good way.

But you need to know your priorities right? It’s cool they have a movie room where you can work out in a theater. It’s nice they provide televisions on nearly every machine so you can distract yourself during exercise. But my distraction of choice is a book.

So now I am brainstorming ways to create a book holder that will attached around the TV screen. And, if it works, I’ll join that gym and be that girl. The girl with no make-up, stinking and sweating and carrying around her own book holder like the full-fledged book nerd I am.

My distraction of choice while working out is reading.
This book is a dainty collection of short stories. By dainty, I mean fairly thin.
And even it won’t stay in the built-in “book rack” on the ellipticals at the gym.