Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Close – The Different Ways We Preserve Memories

In 2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas by Marie-Helene Bertino, the main character Madeleine is dealing with the loss of her mother. Before her mom passed away, she created a recipe box of instructions. “Do what scares you.” “Know yourself.” It’s a heartbreaking, lovely idea, creating a way for a young child to maintain a connection to their mother, to have memories they might be too young to form.There are so many different ways we can cherish the memory of a loved one. I like how the memories we keep so often reflect the personality of the person we miss

Memories in Plain Sight

When I had my First Communion, my aunt Betty gave me a gold ring with a turquoise stone that was given to her by her aunt. Thinking back, that was a crazy thing to do! I can barely keep track of jewelry now, but at seven … no chance. And yet, somehow I still have it! I’ve long since outgrown the dainty little ring, but sometimes still wear it on a chain as a pendant. When I think back on Betty, I don’t remember her as girly or prissy or someone who would make a big deal over jewelry. But, she was my grandparents’ only daughter and I think that status carried with it some privilege of being different in a family with five sons. I’m excited for when I get to pass the ring on to a niece

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Almost every day I wear my grandmother’s engagement ring on my right ring finger. It is so not my style to cover myself in jewels, but that sparkly ring reminds me not only of my grandmother but also of the bond she and I shared. On my left hand, my wedding band is a simple silver ring. I like it for its simplicity. It’s there to symbolize my relationship with my husband and doesn’t need any flash added to it for other people to admire. My grandmother had a similar wedding band and later in life she asked that I make sure she was buried with that ring on – she had never taken it off since her wedding day. I, likewise, haven’t removed my ring since getting married. It’s a simple gesture, but one that bonds me to her

Memories in Details

When I was younger, my grandpa would take me and my siblings to the pond to feed the ducks. I don’t really know where the pond was or how many ducks we successfully fed, but I can describe for you in great detail the food we used. Off of my grandparents’ kitchen was a stairwell into their basement with a landing midway with a door that led outside. Just after the landing there was a shelf of sorts that ran parallel to the ceiling. Right at the end closest to the steps, my grandfather kept a brown paper bag filled with corn. It was always folded over and kind of solid like a brick, rather than a loose sack. Long after he died, while my grandmother was still, living there, the last bag of corn he’d bought stayed on the shelf. I recently learned that my uncle saved that bag and it’s sitting in a drawer in his kitchen. That made me so happy, knowing that something that holds only sentimental value but means so much to me still exists.

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When we were in Cleveland, in between trip to feed the ducks, my grandmother would take us on trips to Convenient, a local convenience store. Being kids form the suburbs with nowhere specific we could walk or bike to, trips to Convenient were a big deal. And bless my grandma, she saw how much fun we had on those trips and would manage to drag one short shopping list into many, many walks to the store. “Ooops, we need butter!” “We ran out of milk!” I cannot imagine how much extra she spent shopping there versus somewhere else. When we got a little older we were able to ride our grandparents’ 3-speed bikes to the store. My grandma’s had baskets on the side, which was especially handy when being sent on errands at Convenient. I have lots of funny stories about my grandma but some of my favorite are walking side by side with her just to go buy some overpriced milk.

Memories in the Future

When offered with the option of taking French, German, Spanish or Latin in high school, I quickly chose German. My grandpa had told me that if I took German, he would send me on my school’s class trip to Europe. I am no fool. Ich spreche Deutsch. Looking back on that gift, it was a weird one. I am one of about a bajillion grandkids but the only one, to my knowledge, who got that offer. Maybe my grandpa thought I had an aptitude for German? (Notsomuch.) That trip to Europe set the stage for so much, though. Over the course of 10 days I visited England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Liechtenstein and Austria. I think that a whirlwind itinerary like that is part of the reason I now try and spend a more extended period of time in each place I visit and not over-schedule my time. I’ve now been to 22 countries (23 if you count the U.S.!) with more already being planned for. That plan to teach me German might have failed, but the side effect of infecting me with the travel bug? Love it.

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In 2012 my godmother, Fish, died. She wasn’t someone who I spoke with on any regular basis, but she was a constant source of support and inspiration for me. I know people who travel alone, but Fish travelled. She went to places on her own, without a tour, that would intimidate most people traveling in groups. If she wanted to see a place, she just did it. What’s so valuable about knowing someone like that is that it illustrates to you what is doable. And so when Wonder Boy and I discuss our next travel location, nothing seems out of bounds. If Fish could do it, I can do it.

What are the ways you cherish the memories of loved ones?

I read 2 A.M. at the Cat’s Pajamas as part of From Left to Write and received a copy of the book as part of that book club. Read more about what I thought of this book.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.