Maybe I’m the Douche

On our way to an off-site meeting today, a co-worker lamented the rising social stature of hipsters. I’m not sure I agree with his definition of hipsters, which seems to be centered on people doing things that are lame just to be “ironic” such as drink cheap beer of the PBR variety to be ironic. But, he’s definitely on target when it comes to spotting a hipster. Tight jeans, scraggly mustache, old-looking T-shirt that was likely purchased brand new from Urban Outfitters.

While I didn’t defend hipsters (although I definitely appreciate the hipster aesthetic and feel like I could talk it up okay), I did argue the point of being ironic. I feel like it’s more of an affectation. Like, “I’m above drinking some bourgeois beer. I proudly drink this working class swill.” (Again, I like PBR.) I think the affectation applies to cigarettes, music for sure and many other pop-culture references.

Midway through our discussion of hipsters, my co-worker busted out with, “Maybe I’m the douche.” (I bet he would have said douchecanoe if he’d know how cool the word was. Or maybe even doucheballoon.)

To me, this is a stellar comment. Isn’t this what we all try to avoid? In the past I have defined it as not wanting to be that girl. You know the one. But it’s so much funnier this way. The reality is, we all experience times when we are, in fact, the douchecanoe in a situation. That moment when you realize it’s not them, it’s you. And it’s terrible. But acknowledging it is the first step.

Some moments where I may play the role of the douchecanoe?

• At Christmas, my family claps after gifts. This drives me bananas so I don’t do it. But really, they’re all having a great time clapping away. So who’s the douchecanoe in that situation? Me.
• Entirely too often I am in situations where people find it necessary to sing. In public. As a group. Some are normal situations like someone’s birthday, but other times it’s just because people feel like doing a song parody to celebrate something or mock something. In my mind? Ridiculous. Nothing but ridiculous. But on the other hand, while I am hiding out in the back or trying to subtly lip-synch while everyone is having fun singing their heads off, I might be the douchecanoe.
• It can work in reverse, too, of course. Sometimes you are the only one doing something that you totally should not be doing. When I tried to implement fancy hat day at my last job and wore a vintage hat all day around the office, I thought it was quirky. In reality, I was probably a douchecanoe.

I am 100% certain my siblings could come up with hundreds of other examples of when I’ve been a douchecanoe, which is why they aren’t able to submit here. But what about you? Have there been times when you thought some person or group of people was crazy only top later step back and realize, “Maybe I’m the douche”?