November 2009 | Kate's Point of View

Month: November 2009 Page 1 of 2

Happy Union

On November 30, 2009

I got to meet up for lunch with Mart Girl this weekend, which was, as always, lovely. There is something sacred about spending time with someone who has known you for more than half your live, and vice versa. Over noodle dishes at an Asian restaurant, we discussed my family member’s wedding next week and her family member’s this coming summer. I’ve experienced that whirlwind of wedding planning from the inside, but the view from the outside is so different.

The question I have been pondering is this: “Can a wedding bring members of a family closer together?”

Obviously, this is not specific to the bride and groom, thought does potentially apply.

Prior to my own submersion into wedding life, I would have thought the obvious answer to this was “Yes!” And yet. If found my own wedding painful with the family politicking and the tiptoeing around feelings. And goodness knows my own feelings were hurt more times than I care to recount. Now I am poised to watch this new family wedding and I am watching those awkward encounters replay in miserable slow-motion. Mart Girl is describing the same thing occurring in her family, though the narrator in her case paints it all in a rosy glow.

Can it be done? Can the joining of two people as husband and wife (or husband and husband or wife and wife) go smoothly and bring families together?

Precious: Heartbreaking but Beautifully Done

By Kate

On November 23, 2009

In reviews

Review of the Movie “Precious“

Me and Work-Out-Queen went for pizza and to see the movie “Precious” on Saturday night. Both of us were totally ignorant as to the plot but intrigued by the buzz around the movie. I think, perhaps, our ignorance served us well. I know I was much more open to the movie and was able to be swallowed whole by the enormity of the emotional storyline.

Pretty much from the opening scene I was hooked by the sincerity of the character Precious and in awe over the violence she experiences. Too many times Work-Out-Queen and I shut our eyes or turned our heads to shield ourselves from what was happening onscreen. How nice for us to have that privilege, right?

And that, the thought that I experience privilege, is the takeaway that I have been trying to process. I am at least partially away of the privilege I have based on the socioeconomic status. Scratch that. I am intellectually aware of the privileges I am awarded just by being the color I am and being raised in the social class I was born into. But, in large part because of those privileges, I don’t think about it. And watching “Precious” called into question so many things I take for granted. There were parts of the film I related to, though I may never explain to a living person why, but for the most part Precious’s experience was completely foreign to me. And the fact that anyone has that sort of childhood baffles me … pains me … makes me feel insignificant in the work I do when I could be doing something to make a difference and positively affect change.

And that’s where I sit now: reconciling the feelings in my head and trying to figure out how to interpret them into action. It’s a good thing. And if more people end up in the same place, then “Precious” has accomplished so much.

Complete Aside: This make more sense after you see the movie, but it seems to me that parents should take a more active role in researching the plots of movies before bringing their very young children with them to the theatre. I might disagree with others on the appropriateness of violence or foul language, but I think I am in the majority when I say that films showing child rape scenes are not appropriate for young kids.

Fogging up the fishbowl

By Kate

On November 20, 2009

In travel, work

This week I found myself in New York, testing the limits of my cool, an quality of which is not as boundary-less as it might first seem. I was fortunate enough to attend the Museum of Modern Art Film Benefit: A tribute to Tim Burton. One quick glance to the guest list where I spotted my boyfriend Johnny Depp and I knew the event would be golden and I would be required to look hot.

And even after the event, I stand by that reasoning. But Johnny Depp was only one celebrity among the many who showed up to support Tim Burton and MOMA and they were definitely outnumbered by the throngs of cool people who came to see and be seen.

It was strange to have Patti Smith and later the Olsen twins walk by me. I felt like I was suddenly transported into an issue of Star magazine. I am not familiar with the life of celebrities. They are people who create art I love and on whom I can have crushes and read about and comment on. I think now I have a new emotion to pull from when I look on upon them: pity.

The benefit at MOMA was put on by Johnny Depp. And yet, the only way he could pass through the crowds to go outside for a smoke was if escorted by security. Helena Bonham Carter was bored and lonely. The Olsen twins looked petrified to walk through the throngs of people. Is that what a night out is for celebrities? Work? Being gawked at and thrust into uncomfortable situations?

And don’t get me wrong. This new awareness of how hard things must be for them, even with their bags of money, didn’t stop my from standing at the bottom of a stairwell where I knew folks has to pass through to go from the VIP area to the exit. I stood, gawked and delighted in the list of people I saw. But I felt guilty about it. And it has made me say only nice things about everyone I saw (not that I could possibly have anything bad to say about my boyfriend).

And maybe brag a little about walking inches from the Sexiest Man Alive.

He had me, until the ending

By Kate

On November 9, 2009

In books, reviews

Book Review of “The Lost Symbol” by Dan Brown

My brother really enjoys the Die Hard movies. I don’t bring this up because I think it’s his greatest quality. Quite to the contrary, I think it calls into question a lot about his taste. But it’s hard to blame the guy for falling prey to action-packed movies with lots of thing blowing up and a plot that keeps you on the edge of your seat. He’s not watching the films for something to ponder later. he’s watching them for the immediate gratification of watching Bruce Willis save the world. It’s the same reason I reach for a Dan Brown book.

As with his past novels, in “The Lost Symbol” places Robert Langdon in a matter of national, even international, importance. At the risk of his own life and those of many around him, he must rely on his knowledge of symbology to save the day. And spoiler alert: he does. And it’s great. (It’s even better if you are home hungover and have time to read about 400 pages in one day.)

I think Brown books are like doughnuts for me. At the mere sight of them I start to salivate and it takes all of my willpower not to just shove one in my mouth. And when I cave and scarf it down, I love the taste but 30 second later I am unsatisfied and guilty. Brown is consistently writing books that entertain me. I cannot put the books down and end up leaving dents in whatever chair / couch / bed I park myself on for hours on end. And almost always he has me until there very end when I close the book and wonder where my time went and acknowledge that the time spent was not worth it.

“The Lost Symbol” is particularly interesting to me. It focuses on Freemasons and all of the lore surrounding them. I am used to hearing conspiracies that make the group in question something to be suspicious of. Brown treats the Masons with nothing but respect and in his words, they became intriguing and admirable. I loved the inclusive nature of their organization as it pertained to religion and was impressed that, to the extent that Brown’s details are accurate, they can reach such a fine balance between religious and social.

And then the end. I won’t include a spoiler alert, but will say that everything I had been working up to and the impression I had of the Masons was for not. And I, the reader, was left unsatisfied and wondering where so many hours had gone.

Loving Frank: Wondering What is Left For Me to Love

By Kate

On November 7, 2009

In books, reviews

Book Review of “Loving Frank” by Nancy Horan

Nancy Horan’s first novel “Loving Frank” details the period of his life when he leaves his wife for one of his clients, Mamah Borthwick Cheney. Per Horan’s intention, the star of the book is really Mamah. During the time period of this book, the early 1900s, she is ahead of her time in terms of her views on motherhood, women’s right and woman working. But as much as she must have challenged the people who lived alongside her, she challenged me, the reader.

I agree with Mamah (and Frank Lloyd Wright) that no woman can be defined solely by motherhood or by being a wife. I am grateful that my choice not to start popping out babies has not turned me into some outcast. (Not enough progress has been made on this front, though. I am challenged to defend this perspective regularly and frequently met with “Oh, you’ll change your mind.”)

I agree with the notion that you do your children no favors by staying in an unhappy marriage / job / life. All that results from doing so is teaching them that being unhappy is okay and they they too should strive for such discontent in their own lives. We do much better by trying to attain happiness and fulfillment.

Where I struggled with this book is that I found both Mamah and Frank Lloyd Wright, particularly Wright, so unlikeable.

While it is okay to teach your children not to settle for average but instead to strive for success, there are some responsibilities you have to them as your parents. In “Loving Frank”, Horan details all of the irresponsibilities of Frank Lloyd Wright. He leaves his wife and six children to travel to Europe and have an affair. He doesn’t pay his employees, particularly the young architects who need the money more than anyone. He alternates by giving women chance in architecture and shooting them down as mere draftsman. What is there for the reader to like about him? Is his only redeeming quality the collection of buildings he left behind? Because that leaves me liking his talent but still not the man.

I felt similarly about Mamah. I am happy she had the courage to go out and succeed in life, independently of her husband. I am happy she did not settle to be a stay-at-home mom if that dud not give her pleasure. But isn’t part of being a responsible adult owning up to the choices you make and acting responsibly about them? Horan writes of Mamah leaving her kids to go to Europe and being grateful to her sister for watching the children. But not once do we read of Mamah portrayed asking her sister to watch the children. I know that sometimes things happen without a lot of forethought, even things like children. But it’s hard for me to accept the idea that it is okay to make children and to just leave them. Or more difficult for me to digest, to leave the children but assume that you have an open ticket to go back and reclaim them at any time.

I’m pleased that I completed reading “Loving Frank” and I do feel like I have better insight into Frank Lloyd Wright after having read it. I just wished I felt more love for him at the end of the story.