Mart Girl lives in Lincoln Park about 2 inches from the train. (Literally, at her apartment all noise is drowned out by the rumbling of the train every couple of minutes and when you lie in bed you often look up to see a train worker about 2 feet away from you.) What’s great about where Mart Girl lives is how much stuff there is to do around her. Saturday’s adventures took us to:
- Scooterworks to buy Wonder Boy a plane fender crest
- Hot Doug’s to buy some hot dogs, although in the end we just gawked at how many people were in line to buy food
- Random stops at a lighting store and an ice cream stand
- The Lincoln Park Zoo
On the way to the zoo I get to pet a puppy. I am aware that when I announce that I sound like I am three-years-old, but who cares.
At the zoo Mart Girl, Wonder Boy and I got to see drama unfold like I have never seen before. In the chimpanzee exhibit the chimps must have been in heat, or something. All of the females’ tingly, private bits were hanging out for everyone to look out. It was like nothing I have ever seen. It was as if all of the parts that should have been discreetly placed within their crotch has been placed on a pink, raw, fleshy box and attached to their behinds. You could see poop smashed all up in their stuff!
While we watch the animals one big guy picked his nose and ATE IT, much to the disgust of the little kids standing next to us. Then a few of the chimps picked their butt holes and smelled it and then ATE IT.
To this point I was thinking, “Okay, if this is what we come from, gross.” And, “Thank god we decided to wear underwear.”
Then one of the males (identifiable by the lack of genitals hanging off his rump) made a pass at one of the ladies (my interpretation) and she went off at him! She was SCREAMING! at him and chasing him around the exhibit to the point that he would balance himself on a tiny ledge where she couldn’t get him and just hang out. When he thought things had died down he would sneak back to the ground and she’d be off SCREAMING! again and chasing him all over.
All of the moms (and Mart Girl, Wonder Boy and I) were hooked, hanging over the rail with our mouths open like, “Damn! I’d bring the kids to the zoo every day if it was this exciting.”
With that much drama, I started to relate to the chimps, even if they are booger and poop eaters.
Then we went inside and saw another chimp exhibit. One of the chimps climbed up on the branches and got really close to the window that we were all looking in. He took all of the POOP that was in his mouth and squished it against the window and then proceeded to play with it.
I now resolutely deny evolution. No way.
At least late. when Mart Girl, Wonder Boy and I met up with Laquisha and some of her friends, we knew when to expect. Covered arses and contained poop and boogers.
