Submitted by my brother, Jake:
I am running for Secretary of the volleyball team. My duties will include alumni relations, parent relations, schedule god, and Club Exec Board relations. Here is a copy of my campaign letter. (Oh and just ignore the cheap shot I take at Jeff Smith’s mom):
Dear constituents,
I hereby announce that I am running for the office of Secretary. I have an exemplary track record and have held office at various levels.
First, let me tell you a little about myself.
My political experience began at the tender age of 9. I ran for Vice-President of my 3rd grade class. In my campaign, I promised more playground equipment if elected. I won the position, and I delivered. Needless to say, recess became a better experience for everyone.
After leaving the political arena to try my hand at various academic pursuits (the Spelling Bee, the Geography Bee, and the like), I again returned to serve my class. In the 8th grade, I coordinated the Hall-Monitoring Department for St. Columban School. Under my tutelage, the hall monitors got a record number of write-ups. In fact, detention hours had to be extended to make room for the overwhelming number of miscreants.
Last year, my peers elected me (by unanimous decision) the Ohio Men’s Volleyball 2005-2006 Safety Officer. I took great pride in my position and worked tirelessly to prevent injury to my teammates. When I was elected, I made a promise:
If you elect me as your safety officer, I promise I will do the job to the best of my ability, with enthusiasm, care, and precision. I will personally see to it that there are no volleyball-related fatalities during the 2005-2006 season.
I delivered on my promise. All members of the team remain accounted for. Just as I delivered as Safety Officer, I will deliver as Secretary. When I see something I want, I go at it really hard. Just ask Jeff’s mom.
As your 2006-2007 Ohio Men’s Volleyball Secretary, I will work diligently in all capacities that the position requires. It should be noted that I won awards for handwriting in both the 4th and 5th grade. Also, I have consistently received high marks in the category, “Works well with others.”
Please elect me as your 2006-2007 Ohio Men’s Volleyball Secretary. I will not let you down.
Sincerely,
Jacob M. Westrich
Comments are closed.