I am not a huge proponent of gambling. To me it is the equivalent of crumpling up dollar bills and throwing them in the wastebasket. On my first night in Las Vegas, a while back, I think I gambled a whopping total of $1.15, a feat that can only be accomplished with the aid of penny and nickel slots. (I later realized that such tightassishness would mean an incredibly boring trip and stepped up the gambling, though only slightly.)

Last night I ventured for the first time to a casino boat in Indiana – the beautiful Belterra. What I don’t understand about the place is how it doesn’t blow up in a mushroom cloud of smoke and flames. I have never seen so much smoke and hairspray in one facility. These women had hair like we used to strive for back in 1987. I would venture to say that the women at Belterra are solely responsible for global warming and the hole in the o-zone layer due to their excessive use of White Rain, Rave and Aquanet hairspray.

While playing Hexbreaker penny slots I inserted my dollar and won, within like three minutes, EIGHTY DOLLARS. No kidding.

Lesson learned? You can still be a tightass with a hairspray-free do and be a successful gambler.

This post originally appeared on Kate’s Point of View. © Kate. All rights reserved.