A friend, who shall remain nameless in order to protect his identity, found this AWESOME web site and forwarded it to me. I think he was doing searches on his own medical condition. Fair warning — it’s not completely appropriate for work but too funny to pass up so just make sure no one is looking when you watch it, ‘cus you KNOW you want to.
Remember when you would never consider going out without pre-gaming it first? Remember when pre-gaming it meant splitting s case of beer with a friend? Remember when you could drink a whole case if beer by yourself? And still remember the evening? And wake up feeling fine? And start partying at about 11 a.m. the next day?
This is an email my brother Jake sent to the family, parents included. As a point of reference, he is twenty. I could have deleted the first paragraph, where he is basically bragging about the 12,000 mp3s he has on his computer, which by the way he didn’t even download himself but which were given to him by my BF. But it’s funny to me. The second paragraph, though, might make you feel old.
So people have been giving me shit about how I have way more music on my computer than I could ever listen to. I went ahead and used the Play Count feature to check the songs I’ve listened to at least once. After crunching some numbers, I discovered I’ve listened to 2.7% of my music. The song that’s been played the most? None other than Will Smith’s “Miami,” with 9 plays. Tied for a close 2nd are “Summer of ’69” by Bryan Adams, “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits and “Bust a Move” by Young MC.
In other news, I know you guys all love to play Power Hour, the game where you take a shot of beer every minute. Or maybe you even like to tackle Century Club, the extended version of the same game. Well now you can make your own Power Hour mixes with iPowerHour. iPowerHour plays the first minute of every song on your playlist. It’s really great and the desktop icon is a mug of beer.
BOYS. I mean I like them and all most of the time. Better than most girls, in fact. But then one of them goes and does something absolutely STUPID and I start to turn on the whole species.
Example One
I am sitting at the Esquire watching The Aristocrats (thanks for the tip, Doug, and you all really should go see it… but know that it’s dirty).The small theatre room we were in was packed so eventually me and my BF scoot over from our prime back-row-center seats to let some we-came-to-the-movie-10-minutes-late couple have a seat. The man leans over and says into my ear, “Thanks,” which sounds like a normal thing but he was like TWO CENTIMETERS FROM MY EAR and it creeped me out and set me on high alert.
For the rest of the movie the creep would periodically STARE at me for extended periods of time. My peripheral vision is good enough (my ophthalmologist says I can’t be surprised from the side because it’s so good) to see ole creepo going nuts just staring away at me. ICK. Normally I would have been laughing so hard I’d be crying at all the incest and bestiality jokes, but I was too self-conscience.
Then when there are only about 15 minutes left in the movie Creepo pokes me in the leg, I turn to him and he asks me how old me and my BF are. I am too stunned to even question it so I tell him the truth: 27 and 30, respectively. Apparently that was all he needed and he started watching the movie again. Sicko.
Then while the credits were rolling, Sicko and his lady got up to leave and he leaned in to me and my BF and said, “Don’t get into any trouble.”
Seriously, he made me want a hot shower with hot water, bleach and steel wool.
Example Two
Some friends of my BF’s organized the Dayton Music Fest this past weekend – a night of bands from Dayton playing in Dayton at a few choice clubs for a choice entry fee. I was at the one bar watching The American Static (Super band, in both means of the word, for people who get that joke) when this pretty-and-a-little-too-old-to-be-so-uncool-AND-hanging-in-this-crowd guy and his I-spent-a-lot-of-money-to-look-this-good lady walked in. I noticed them only because they stood out in a crowd of hipsters. As they walked by, and this is not a lie or an exaggeration, the MAN GRABBED MY CROTCH. Okay, it’s a slight exaggeration. The man grabbed my upper thigh and an area so uppermost it was basically my crotch.
I was pissed.
I sat there listening to the music and enjoying the vocals of J. Keith Himes. But the whole time I was thinking how if that NASTY-ASS walked by I would kick him. I am not above that you know. But then I got over it.
And so when he walked by again and GRABBED ME AGAIN, I was stunned. And mad I didn’t react quick enough to kick him. In the head.
BOYS!
Submitted by Jason B.:
Okay some of you have seen the video with the crazy-sweater-singer. If you haven’t watch it now.
Then go to her website and look at the LARGE collection of sweaters. It’s a bit overwhelming. And weird. 
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