Safety

My brother is running for Safety Officer of his club volleyball team at OU. Below is his campaign information:

Credentials

• First Aid Certified
• Adult CPR/AED Certified
• Infant and Child CPR Certified

Experience

• Long-standing tradition of safety
• Once gave myself the Heimlich maneuver to dislodge a potato chip
• I don’t make safety a fluke, I make it a habit

Record

• Undefeated

Other Notables

• Present at every practice and game during the 2004-2005 season

My Promise to You:

• If you elect me as your safety officer, I promise I will do the job to the best of my ability, with enthusiasm, care, and precision. I will personally see to it that there are no volleyball-related fatalities during the 2005-2006 season.

Jake is endorsed by McGruff the Crime Dog, Smokey the Bear, and current Safety Officer Brian “Rider” Rider. He promises to continue Brian’s tradition of excellence in safety.

Note: Jake will also have 2 runningmates. If he is elected, Tom will be the Vice-Safety Officer and Andy will be the Treasurer of the Safety Office, as well as the Minister of Alcohol Safety. “As far as I know, I’ll be the only officer with his own cabinet,” said Jake. “And I’m prettysure no one else is running for safety officer. But that doesn’t make theposition any less prestigious.”

This Just In: I received this email from Jake late last night.

Subject : VICTORY!!!


Let it be known that on the night of April 27, 2005, yours truly was elected, by unanimous decision, as the 2005-2006 Safety Officer for Ohio Men’s Volleyball.