Submitted by Wonder Boy
Someday we will render ourselves extinct or mysteriously vanish like the Mayans did. I predict that in the future some poor archeologist-like life form will be forced to sift through the remains of our culture and try to make some sense of what they find. This being will be puzzled as there will probably only be a few relics that will survive the ages. The first will be Styrofoam cups and the other … cement ducks. The function of the cups will be easy enough to figure out (they were used in mating rituals right?), but the ducks will baffle all for years to come. They will spend years trying to decide why we collected so many of them and most importantly why we chose to dress them up in outfits.
Every now and then for work I have to travel to Barrington, a small suburb of Chicago, for software training. The town is very affluent and you pretty much can’t touch a home for under $700,000. The lots that houses are built on are flat as can be without any trees. They erect these enormous houses on what used to be a corn field which in turn makes them stick out like Dick Cheney at a Soul Train Convention.
As a rule I think having boat loads of money will not necessarily buy you good taste. Case in point the house: In Barrington there is a house that my work compadres and I like to call, “My Big Fat Greek House”. The modest 5000 square foot house is nestled on a flat lot where you will find the yard adorned with Greek statues, columns, wishing wells, fountains and, yes, ducks. Lots of ducks. Now the owners don’t dress up the ducks, partly because I think they blew their budget on the house and the large Greek statue of Zeus….or was it the fountain?
I think I get the reason why people like statues or Yard Gnomes. They’re fun! They spice up the yard and Gnomes bring good juju to all lawns they inhabit. But I will never understand why someone would take a cement duck and dress it up in lingerie. Neither will archeologists 2000 years from now.
The House
Statues at the House
Ducks at the House
T
The answer to your question: tacky relatives who give you gifts to adorn your lawn. You can’t throw them away until they die. I have a home-made giant green leaf thing, a giant brick-like thing with a snowman painted on it that is so freaking heavy it has to stay in my garden all year long, and several bunnies and frogs that double up as sprinklers (I use them to cover the dead spots in the garden and sort of like them now). Maybe this homeowner has a big, tacky family.