Isn’t it weird what things are and aren’t acceptable to do in public? Let’s review:

Acceptable
Not Acceptable
Filing your nails
Chewing your fingernails
Scratching your head
Picking your candidate
Picking a radio station
Licking your lollipop
Smoking too much
Smoking ciggies
Pleasing your boss		 Clipping your nails
Chewing your toenails
Scratching your crotch (yes – really)
Picking your nose
Picking your scab
Licking your friend
Drinking too much
Smoking crack
Pleasing yourself (you know…)

About that first one:

Clipping nails, finger and toe, has a very distinctive sound. It should be done only where other people cannot hear you – in a bathroom, for instance.

In the eight grade I had this science teacher we’ll call Mr. C. I don’t remember a whole lot about him. I wrote a research paper about dogs for him that was copied entirely from encyclopedias and he never caught me. He taught me that a penny can be pounded so thin that the metal can cover an entire football field. He said a man could carry a baby in his stomach lining and deliver it cesarean, though I didn’t believe that one.

In one of his classes we had to dissect worms and a boy told me this joke:

Q: What is green, slimy and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the Frog’s finger

Two years after I had him, one of my sisters has Mr. C for science. He was fired that year. For clipping his toenails in class.